The year’s news is off to an incredibly dull start. There’s absolutely nothing going on right now. There aren’t any political dilemmas, natural disasters, slutty golfers or James Cameron movies to talk about at all. That’s why we have to talk about Gary Coleman.You know Gary Coleman from things like the 1980’s sitcom, Diff’rent Strokes and...that’s pretty much it, actually. This past weekend, Gary Coleman was arrested in Utah for beating up Donny Osmond. Just kidding, that would be too good to be true. He did however beat the living marbles out of somebody in Utah—probably his mail order wife who looks like Pippi Longstocking.
Although, ironically enough, his wife (Shannon Price) was arrested two years ago for beating up Coleman, so maybe not. But don’t worry, Coleman is out of jail now on bail. In case you cared—at all.
This wasn’t Coleman’s first assault charge, but possibly his first assault issue outside of a bowling alley: He’s been charged in the past for running someone over at a bowling alley and another incident for beating up a dude at a bowling alley—I’m guessing it was another out of work actor from the 80's who’s the size of a cabbage patch doll.
Probably Corey Feldman.
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