Levi Johnston to Become Jesus. Or a Mayor. Or Something.

by Jenny from the Blog

There are a few things you wouldn’t normally associate with someone like Levi Johnston. For example, literacy, condoms and frequent showering probably wouldn’t come to mind. Especially when things like attention whores, illegitimate baby daddies, douche bags and people named after popular denim-wear are more appropriate categories for Levi Johnston. Once again, Levi Johnston has taken us all by pleasant surprise by announcing he is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Oh, and claiming he’s just like Jesus. Yes, Jesus Christ.

Our Twitter Got Hacked, We Made a New One, Yoko Ono Loves Us, Etc.

by Jenny from the Blog

So a few weeks ago, our Twitter account got hacked by someone (was it you?). Nah, it was probably Sarah Palin because the hacker posted umpteen tweets about Fleet Farm gift cards, but that’s beside the point. The point is, we’ve gone and started fresh and created a new Twitter account. So add us today to get all the latest updates on pop culture and to increase your chances of winning stuff from us. Yeah, stuff. Add us and we might just return the favor…so far Yoko Ono is the only one who’s sent us a message, so get crackin’!! Add us here.

Lindsay Lohan Going to Jail Forever, Probably

by Jenny from the Blog

Poor Lindsay Lohan. She's had quite the year. First she went to court for being a washed up, drunken crack whore. Then she went to court again for failing to follow orders for being a washed up, drunken crack whore. Then she got a fancy ankle bracelet that's supposed to stop her from being a washed up, drunken crack whore. Now, she's going to jail for being a washed up, drunken crack whore.Let's take a moment of silence to reflect on poor Lindsay Lohan's unfortunate situation. Ok, that's enough silence. Don't over extend yourself for God's sakes.

Lebron James Gets a Team, So You Can Relax Now

by Jenny from the Blog

LeBron! LeBron, I'm so glad you found a team to play basketball on. All day long I was shaking and nervous and thinking 'oh God I hope Lebron James finds a team soon. I'll be devastated beyond repair if LeBron can't make 50 bazillion dollars next year for jumping around like a sweaty saskwatch bouncing a ball.'Relax, relax everyone. LeBron James is officially going to be playing basketball for the Miami Heat. So all four of you who keep up with the Miami Heat should be thrilled beyond belief.

Bristol Palin to Guest Star on That Teenage Sex Show

by Jenny from the Blog

Bristol Palin, daughter of that bumbling woman with an odd accent who tried to be vice president once, will soon be appearing on ABC Family's The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Bristol, best known for getting pregnant as a teenager by a borderline retarded hillbilly named after a pair of jeans because her backwards Eskimo upbringing taught her that babies come from enchanted raindrops that fall into cabbage patches and not sex, is guest starring on Secret Life, which is basically about slutty teenagers who can't stop getting pregnant. So it all comes full circle here, which is nice.

Top 7 Most Annoying Facebook Users

by Jenny from the Blog

Facebook is full of annoying people; hopefully you're not one of them.  Check out our list of the top 7 most annoying Facebook users:
The Loner

Who: The guy who sat by himself in the cafeteria and chatted with the lunch lady about his workout regimen.
How many friends he has: 3, all immediate family.
What he posts: "Just got done with a sweet workout.   Got an extra ticket for Dave Matthews if anyone wants to go, text me, k?"

Some Random Guy Cast as the New Spiderman

by Jenny from the Blog

Ok, I've got good news and bad news about Spiderman.  Actually, that's a lie, I've only got bad news and it's about how some num-nut idiot decided it's a good idea to continue making shitty Spiderman movies.  Bad news, yes it is.  Here's the worse news: they've recasted Spiderman so that means no more Tobey Maguire looking awkward in spandex.Instead, it's going to be some random guy you've never seen before in your life who will be playing Spiderman in the upcoming flick.  His name is Andrew Garfield.  Run along and google Andrew Garfield, why don't you?  I'll just wait right here.

Return of the Sidewalk: No We're Not Dead

by Jenny from the Blog

Happy summer, faithful friends of the Sidewalk.  Contrary to what it seems in the lag of updates, we are indeed still alive.   During our absence we seem to have missed out on bringing you the best of celebrity gossip and nonsense, our greatest advice on what you should be listening to and watching and more.   Because I realized the hard way recently that I am only one person, in order to continue to make the Sidewalk the booming success it has been, we need YOU.

Get Him to the Greek: Reviewed Just For You

by Jenny from the Blog

Rest assured, there's a reason why Russell Brand has been appearing on every single show in the world this week and it's not because we're suffering from crazy, neanderthal-looking, semi-funny British man withdrawal.  It's because he's got a new movie out.  Which in turn means he should be going away shortly.  Breathe easy, kids.  Brand's new movie, Get Him to the Greek was released on this weekend and shocking as it may seem, it's not half bad.

Some Guy You've Never Seen Before in Your Life Wins American Idol

by Jenny from the Blog

After almost a decade of watching American Idol, the final showdown between the last two contestants is still riveting. There's always such variety: Really good country singer girl vs. guy who badly needs a haircut.  Gay guy vs. guy who could also very well be gay.  Enormous black guy vs. world's nerdiest gay toothpick with glasses.  Super talented girl with a guitar vs. some random, anonymous guy with a guitar.The last alternative worked out great last night because the winner of American Idol this year is Lee DeWyze, a random guy with a guitar.  I would normally take this moment to explain more about Lee DeWyze but I can't because I've literally never seen him before in my life.